Jaggerism 168

Dear Halloween Costume Makers:

This is the second year in a row that you've let me down. My child cannot be the only one who wants to be a gravitational physicist for Halloween.

Jaggerism 163

Shopping in the domestics section of a department store, mom said, "Jagger, what do you think of these curtains for your room?"

Jagger: "I think it's weird that there is not a species that is formed in way where they can scratch their own backs."

Jaggerism 138

Johnson & Johnson television commercial:  "Having a baby changes everything...."

 Jagger:  "No, it won't!  It doesn't change your gender!"

Jaggerism 131

Jagger:  "You know how most people see a man when they look at the moon?  I see a triceratops.  But it only has one horn.  So that would make it a diceratops."

Jaggerism 117

Jagger:  "Oh, that was your foot?  I thought it was an abominable meat cushion."

(I honestly have NO idea what this means.)

Jaggerism 115

Jagger: "If the storm winds are going to be 50 mph, we can get in the car and drive 65 and beat them, right?"

Jaggism 95

During an eye exam -

Opthamologist: "Just keep looking at my left ear while I examine the structure of your eye."

Jagger: "I can't see it."

Opthamologist: "You can't see my left ear?"

Jagger: "Right. I can't see your left ear."

Opthamologist: "It's right here." (she points to it.)

Jagger: "Is this some sort of trick to make me think I need glasses? Because all I see is the part of your hair that is covering your left ear!"

Jaggerism 82

"I sometimes wonder if there is a society of Leprechauns who live under the Niagara Falls. There are a lot of rainbows there."

Jaggerism 28

"I wonder if Santa Claus has an underground lair with a complex tunnel system. It would explain how he gets from the US to China in one night. I'm thinking the North Pole is just a myth."

Jaggerism 8

"If there was a radiation leak on a ship, would the crew members turn into dust 3 million years later?"

Jaggerism 2

"You know, the brain is kinda like the God of a body.
And the lungs are like the President.
That would make the ribs the White House.
And I think the kidneys are more like Sonic the Hedgehog."

Jaggerism 1

"My headache is soooo big. It's a big as Ur-anus. By the way, I'm talking about the PLANET. You know, the PLANET Ur-anus."